LOST

     Life is not easy, even if u have guidance its not that simple, being a husband teaches me a lot, even my marriage is just 3 years in age. Not being able to manage my own feeling is a fatal mistake that I do a lot lately, 

    Miscommunications is one of the result of me failing to control my own feeling, even when I'm writing this entry, I don't know what should I do to fix things that I did. I do admit I neglected others feeling, even my house hold is shaking because of my own doing. I wanted to say it is what it is, but that is too selfish of me, turn's out I did say that. 

     How can I turn back time, nope, u can't do that, then how can I fix things, something u just have to let it flow, u always tell everyone that trust in the process, and put God in front of you, but what did you do. you put yourself before God. This is what happen. 

    Long story short, I may have neglected my wife for no good reason. regretting what you do is not wrong, but at one point, the situation may not be the same. because for an unconditional love come not with neglect, no matter what I do, I'm not sure i can fix things.  

    Afraid of losing the love of my live, is the most painful thought in my heart. What else can I do to show that I love my wife, I'm not good in words.

    A wise man told me, keep calm, how on earth do I do that man... I cant even see where I'm going. I do a lot of mistake in live, until now. Something I don't know what else should I do, 

    To be honest, I'm lost. what should I do to fix the mistake that I do. 

    Realize that putting yourself on the right path is important too, but how should I know that is the right path. How should I know what I'm doing is the right thing. 

    How should I make it right...

HINATA’s JOURNEY part 1

                                             HINATA’s JOURNEY

13/5/2022

Today I came into a new environment. Since I'm not sure if this new place is safe I just roam around. This is actually the 2nd time I’m here. My 1st visit was when I met a human waiting for the elevator and she held a plastic bag of garbage to her but food to me. I was hiding in the dark room. Finding safety from the other cats and child humans to me were so aggressive  in what they used to say “play”. I was so hungry so I begged her for some scraps to eat to which she held me and introduced me to her home which also had a man who helped me while she continued to take out the trash.

It took me a few minutes to get my food while waiting for me to make a tour on my own. Actually this was not the 1st time I met this female human. The 1st time she helped me when a child human was playing very hard on me. At 1st they threw tiny explosives which I always tried to escape. Apparently it is a festive month or the humans are celebrating something as the explosives were very frequent. Some were so loud that even it woke me up and I would move to another place for safety. The second time she helped me was when the child human was helding me high up in the air if it wasn’t for her i might fell to what seems to me a such high floor

This visit is not as short as the 1st one, my 1st visit after some meals and settling some business. The man placed me back on the ground floor. I quickly ran away before any cats attacked me as they are quite possessive in their territory and they were not welcoming to any new member as it will be more competition for food.

Speaking of food, the couples fed me some biscuits which I was trying hard to get used to. In the outside world no one tells me what to do nor what to eat and I was used to feeding on scraps,tiny bits of chicken or fish and if I’m lucky some kind human might give me food in a packet or canned food. However, I know I’m getting adopted as a part of the family as the humans have decided to give me a name.

~Hinata.

 

TO BE CONTINUE . . . 

The Past

 At some point in life, we have to face the thing we have done in the past. but when the time comes, we don't know how we going to do that. Some may say, just let it be. but looking at a bigger picture, thats life. 

My senior once said this to me. "life sucks bro", yea. it is sometime. i have to agree to that statement. moving to the current days, lots of things have happen, its been 1 year since im married, but the ghost from the past keep hunting in my life..how the shit im going to manage that..its been years away, and it suppose not to be here at this moment. The fact that even other people will look for your mistake make me feels like..how im going to trust people..

Came with the trust issue, its not given. TRUST is EARN..then how the heck should i earn the trust that had been lost along the way.. Every word that i say will be used against me...fuck that..most of the guru's out there will tell you, don't give a shit what people say..then how do you process when your own family turn against you.. 

Even million times sorry can't change anything, this writing is the only way an introvert like can express themself..yea, im lucky to be married to her. Its not easy for her as well. but she stayed. even if she mad at me, deep down i know she love me so much up. 

For now, you have someplace to run, later on, when you don't have anywhere to go, by then what are you going to do. left me for ever like everyone in my life...shit life sucks..

Starting my life as call center agent.

 Starting my life as call center agent.

Its nerves wrecking. That's the only way i can put it. got a few calls, most of it is quite easy customer, just a few that having a very critical issue. Not having enough detail to create case and so on.

Feels down for no reason, at some point "what the hell did you say just now" come to my mind. Like i don't know what to do next, seriously suddenly blank and shit even im typing this entry i'm blank.

Opening spill was okeyy, but my closing not so good i need to improve more on that. But realizing it still not making me better instantly. I still have a long way to go to get where I wanted to be in the next 10 years. Quantum Computing is my interest for now, and technologies is moving in a very fast pace.

Supporting for US country is challenging for me, since i'm originated from east asia, the slang is so difficult to understand at some point, they talk so fast even i try active listening skill, it did not work out. I wish i got a chance to learn their slang too, so I can be a better agent.

Another issue i'm facing is the network, well cant say more about that, depending where you're staying, you may have a good connectivity for your internet. But sometimes it came and bite you back with the disconnection issue. and i really hate when that happen.

For starter i got 3 hours call time, it will become more over time that for sure.

Now i know what is the feelings working at a call center. Since right now we having a pandemic, I'll be working from home, and having issue getting information when i can't answer the customer question. Its a whole new level working with local company VS international company.

to be continue.    

Moving forward

 Moving forward..,

Just before I got my current job, life is so damn hectic. At some point I just want to quit whatever that I do just to make my brain at peace. But turns out, its not the situation at hands, its just me.

Not being able to understand that's how life's work is the worse thing that is happening to me, being grateful is one thing. To be able to understand that little thing matter too is one of many key to success. 

What is the little thing someone may ask, its what you do to yourself. do you even celebrate the little achievement that you got. Make sure that we keep in mind that we acknowledged even the small  achievement that we made. Treat yourself, congrats your self, be proud of what you done if its a positive things, and learn from every failure that comes. with no failure there will be no success.

I never imagine that I will work in the line of front liner, as a customer service rep. its challenging and testing every part of my life. But i'm happy that i got into this job because i can learn more actually from it. Not just how to  deal with fussy and sometimes crazy customer, its an eye opening for me to the whole world. 

Back then I feels like i know everything, its true, I feels like i know every little part of my line of work, but turns out it's just nothing. Not even a step in life. And it's true when people said "The more you learn the more that you don't know ". 

For now, it's like starting back from school, but as a working adult life, as a husband, and maybe a father to be. life still sucks when you look at it alone, but its a journey and a huge process, A wise man once say this "Trust the process", "It's a process".

Now what is a process in life, for me its the little things that happen in your journey , that is a process, have fun with the little things. and celebrate the small achievement. You don't have to love what you do, but love the process that is surely teach you something. And that something will turn you to be much better then before. That's why we must trust in the process, and don't give up.

to be continue . . .   

 HATE OF BEING COMPARED

Who in the right mind does not feel hurt if being compared. When you already did something with all your heart and still you are being compared to others. Why i don't like being compared.,Because when you are compared to someone else, it’s as if everything in your life that made you who you are is being negated and not taken into account.

Not everyone having the same way of life,

Tak semua orang sama dalam cara kehidupan, ada yang melalui kesusahan yang memang tak dapat nak luahkan walaupun dengan orang paling sayang pada dia. Mungkin sebab perkara tersebut terlalu berat sehingga tidak dapat diungkap dengan kata-kata. Diluah tak boleh, dipendam pun tak boleh.

Untuk fahamkan seseorang pun satu perkara yang agak mustahil.,kerana orang tersebut tidak melalui perkara yang telah kita lalui. Dalam kata lain kehidupan seseorang itu sangat berbeza. 

 7 February 2021

LIFE SUCKS.

Life suck, that's the best and worse thing to say in life. Sometimes your past will hunt you down, even if you don't want to deal with it, things always comeback. Its like memory,  no matter how you try to erase or ignore it, When you alone, you will definitely have some flashback in even for one second.

I don't know why for some people out there, love to put a blame for others doing. at some point helping people in need is a wrong things to do. but the same person that do that told everyone that we mush help people in need. what the fuck is life wants from a person like me.

Patient may be the key to lots of problem.,but to think of it again some of my favorite sayings "MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS" may have to come in play in my life. When i try to say that to others, its just feels not right. because its a human right to think what ever they want to think off.

How ever it is i better keep my mouth shut, even if i'm being blame at. Just sometime i just can't, i don't know why. Maybe i'm just being too defensive up until i can't even listen. Well i cant be blaming on other for what i face before. because that's is my own life. if i do that, i am the same as them.

Patient is the only thing that i can do right now. so how ever things go just be patient.

IT WAS WHAT IT WAS
IT IS WHAT IT IS
ITS GOING TO BE WHAT ITS GOING TO BE.

No human can change it, may God bless you.